Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
