you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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