I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
