He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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