Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
