Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
