all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
