I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
40s are totally the cure
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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