I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I cut my penus on the lid.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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