the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
