im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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