just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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