Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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