I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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