If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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