Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
