I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
