its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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