just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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