yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize