Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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