...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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