Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
