The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
