Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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