I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
