Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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