And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I love you. Go after that dick
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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