roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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