my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
