It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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