i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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