Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
