This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
