You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
