I'm so fucking centered right now
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize