yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
