Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
