I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
time to smoke my breakfast
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
