The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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