its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
