I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
