I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
