Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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