i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize