the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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