I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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