is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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