Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
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Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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