i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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