he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
