My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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