he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I currently don't understand fingers.
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