I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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