guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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