You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
