summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
