k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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