I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
