drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
