so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Is it penis luge time yet?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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