It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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