my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
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I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
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I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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