If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
