My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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